just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
