Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
