I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
