i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
