im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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