dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
