mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
