zippers are such a cool invention
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
