her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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