i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
