Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
