is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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