she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
