lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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