life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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