Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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