I feel great
I just peed on a car
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
