lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
