Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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