so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
