the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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