Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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