I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
