He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
