sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
