Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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