So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize