When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
