I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
