I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
