we're blogging at a bar
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
