I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
ok first of all what the fuck
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
