All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
The ass gains better be worth it
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