I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
