I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize