You just made me feel so damn special
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just pee around me
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
