My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
