Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
