He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
