Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
