I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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