i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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