addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
