AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
