I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
