its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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