i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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