i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
