i wish my penis had a tongue
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
