So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
