I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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