Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
we're so committed to being not committed
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
