she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
