dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
