I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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