I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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