For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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