it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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