Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
