Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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