I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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