Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
