I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
