You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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