I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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