I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
