I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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