yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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