I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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