I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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