Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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