Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
