Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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