I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The air taste purple.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
