Where did you get a picture of my penis
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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