my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
