I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
