So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
