wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize