I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
