This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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