Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
