I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
