Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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