So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
