I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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