To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
