He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
