So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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