The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
