I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize
