Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
